I can feel a death rattle like never before, this Halloween.
I feel time slowing down for me.
What is this death inside me? What is this pain and frustration inside of me?
I am more afraid now then I have ever been, as repetitive as that theme is for me.

Get this devil away from me.
Get this anguish out of me.

I am surrounded. I am away from my own thoughts, and feeling the presence of others perceptions, instead. A contentedness I have never felt before has settled in.
For the first time in my life, I am finally ready to be comfortable in my own skin.
I have found an answer to all of the past mistakes. Responsibility has never felt so good.

keeping my mind clear is of the utmost importance.

My eyelashes fought me to the death this morning.
Sun streaming through the window in the bedroom I fell
asleep in last night, a hungover former love awoke me.
His alcohol-stained breath rose from my arm to my throat,
his gravelly voice muttering my name.
I rolled away from him, pulling blankets over my head.

Falling out of love has always been a fear of mine, you see.
I am terrified of being alone, of not having someone to lean on.
As college begins this fall, I will rely on him for only his understanding.
We have lost what we had, and that is okay with me this time around.
I held on far too long, these past few years.
His soft, deep voice no longer causes my limbs to shiver.
His clear eyes no longer lock mine in the same way.
My heart no longer beats in time with his.

For the first time in my life, I feel okay.

Post Removed;

An Attempt...

this place surrounding me...
four walls, none left untouched.
i am forgotten, if for mere seconds, and become afraid.
forever will i stop short, asking myself 'what next?'
i am forging a path many
before me have merely dreamed for,
though i see no delight in my effortlessness.
stop short; ask yourself one question.
where are you?
safe?
alone?
delighted by the world?
forever searching, human design is recognized.
i will ask of nothing from you.
only solidarity, faithfulness.
you see, nothing more than that can sustain me.
i am satisfied with failure;
we are through.

forget, nothing

A moment.

For a split second, I am whole.
A smile irrupts; my clear green eyes dance wildly.
For a time, my mind is clear of worry.
I find myself dancing through each breath, awaiting only waht is to come.
The smile playing its part on my face seems almost to hold me;
I am floating away, otherwise.

What am I to become?
Forget; I have time.
Patience is everything when you're moving at top speed.
I was lied to when I was told otherwise.
I have wasted so much time.

I have never needed anything more.

Thank you, gods of metal. :)