Sunday, March 22, 2009

Fuck this economy.
Fuck not being able to sleep.
Fuck having too much homework, and never enough time.
Fuck disconnection notices.
Fuck my roommates.
Fuck not being able to interact with other people.
Fuck anxiety.

Fuck my life.

Friday, February 27, 2009

the less-censored truth.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

This job is eating at me, slowly.
I'm giving it all I've got, is what I tell them. What's true is a much different story.
Ha, story of my life; half-assed attempts at making it all work out. I guess I should face facts and try harder, but I just don't feel like I have it in me, these days.
Go get 'em, Jane.
You can do this.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sometimes I do the most irrational things. Yet, I don't seem to see these things as irrational. It's everyone else that has a problem.
Hmm. Society is odd, I must say. What's wrong to them is normal behaviour for most people my age. . . I just happen to carry things a little far.

Or do I? I mean, I've taken notice of a pattern with my age group; rebel, rebel, rebel. Then it's time to be responsible for a moment.
How the hell does this work, anyway?

Well, the good news is that I really like my new tattoo. Whether or not any one else seems to. Why? Because it's fuckin' cool, and it's on MY body, not THEIRS.
- Fin.
I have soaked up every ounce of strength I have, for tomorrow.
It's funny...seems as though I do that for every day. Will the strength start diminishing?
I can't give up hope now, when I'm so close to a break. The monotony is fading, somewhat. But the oddities grow in number daily, and I'm not sure as though I can take it much longer.
Ah, well. I'm hungry.
Off I go.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I'm feeling this void, lately.
It's as though I'm not a real person; I don't really feel connected to anything. I guess this should come as no IS the winter time. I lose all faith in life when the sun is gone, it seems. Last winter, I was a completely different person. I had a best friend that I was truly connected to, a living situation that was, while sometimes intense, comfortable. Men in my life that enjoyed my company, and a healthy sex life. I spent every day in the sunshine of life.
I will admit that I often times find myself missing those perks, though at times I'm glad that my fast-paced lifestyle has found some sturdy ground.
I have been sitting here thinking and re-thinking the brash course of events that have played out as my life in the past year. I find myself at a loss as to how to describe them, but I cannot be sure as to whether or not that is a good thing.
I shall work on figuring this out.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I woke up in a haze, my life sitting before me as though it was not being lived.
What is this place that I call my conscience mind?
Where am I to go from here?
I have taken steps to formulate a conclusion to this life, though for now, I have no place to call home. I have never wanted so badly to see what is to come, for some days I do not feel like getting up from my bed...I do not feel as though I can go forward from here. This forthcoming hurt that I am always feeling is constant; it cannot be ignored, pushed aside, or tossed away, it seems. I am always facing toward the anger of the past, though I seem to take steps forward.
Hmm, such, I suppose, is the irony of this life.
The irony of my good fortune, as it would seem. I hold nothing in high esteem, these days.